Read this article published in Infocrèche Pro magazine.

To be an early childhood professional is above all to welcome a child and his or her family as they are, with neutrality and benevolence. But in the field, reality is quite different. And value judgments, so natural to human beings, sometimes get the better of us…

Even today, the nursery meeting takes on the air of a courtroom. Tongues are wagging: « It’s no wonder little Marion has so many difficulties with the rules at nursery when you see the ultra lax parents she has. She’s a child-king! », « It’s obvious, Léo’s mom is far too in tune with her son. I hear she even makes him sleep in her bed! », « This family is completely crazy. It’s a good thing their son is in day care, it gives him a bit of a break during the day.… Whether you’re aware of it or not, your most spontaneous speeches are very often imbued with value judgments, an analytical bias with which everyone is confronted, whatever their qualifications. Certain families on the bangs of the conformism induced by the community quickly find themselves singled out.  » The more cribs the nursery has, the less room there seems to be for singularity, individuality and even originality, » laments Thomas, an early childhood educator in Paris. A sort of unofficial, indescribable norm governs the way families are welcomed on a daily basis. A norm generally linked to current societal expectations. But first of all, let’s remember that judging others is inescapable and an integral part of our human heritage! The aim of this article is not to denounce these judgments, but to help you identify and understand them, so that you can distance yourself from them.

(Too much) expertise?

Judgment may be part of your daily routine, but it’s no less taboo in a world where benevolence and neutrality are promoted. Judgment, rarely identified as such, often takes the form of a professional assessment. But why are there so many judgments in the nursery sections? The reasons are multiple, intangible and complex. With your wealth of professional experience in education and your knowledge of child development, it would seem that some of you place yourselves in the position of experts vis-à-vis parents. You have a facility for analyzing situations that makes you particularly comfortable in judging the relevance of a particular practice. On the other hand, the parents you welcome are often in the midst of discovering parenthood and the keys to their toddler’s development! This gap, which often short-circuits the parent’s position as an expert on their own child, is particularly conducive to judgment. A lack of tolerance that can be encouraged by the weight of the community… Because the other side of the coin? A normalized perception of parenthood. « Teams find it hard to accept that some parents, often of foreign origin, don’t offer their children cuddly toys, or don’t see the point of adapting or separating properly in the morning. It’s simply not part of their culture, » points out Stéphanie, a childcare assistant in Garges-lès-Gonesse. This raises a thorny question: should professionals adapt to the customs of families, or should families adapt to the standards of professionals? Undoubtedly one of the community’s hottest debates…

Halfway between the intimate and the professional

For you, passing judgment on one parent or another is all the more spontaneous when educational practices touch on your own experience of parenthood, and hence on your own history and intimacy. Added to this dimension of early childhood is a form of emotional competition between you and the parents. Taking care of little Noémie for almost ten hours a day inevitably creates a strong, reciprocal bond of attachment that makes you feel you’re in the best position to give her the support she needs. Out of empathy for the child, the parents’ more or less clumsy practices can affect you, to the point where you judge them to be inappropriate. In other contexts, judging a family’s educational choices negatively may also reflect a lack of recognition of your practice. It’s as if some parents see your profession as « babysitting » young children. Finally, let’s not forget that you work in a closed environment, in a predominantly female environment punctuated by material and human tensions. The collective development of judgments can help maintain your bonds and team cohesion. Cultivating collective judgments can be reassuring in this case: you’re no longer alone, helpless, faced with the attitude of little Leo’s parents; you’re a team. However, you should be aware that collective judgments, in a section or department meeting for example, tend to lead to the emergence of judgments that are more extremist and therefore further removed from reality, as each professional would tend to lose his or her inhibitions.

It makes no sense to refrain from judging!  » The question is, what do we do with these judgments, and how do we follow them up intelligently and productively in our day-to-day work with children and their parents? » suggests Christine Adam, director of the « Les Chatons » mini-crèche in Carrières-sur-Seine. Be aware that parents are the main players in their child’s development. Accept your judgments with kindness, and learn to identify and understand them: at what point do you go beyond a simple professional assessment and enter into a value judgment? Why with this family? What personal feelings (of anger, incomprehension, sadness) are fuelling it? These questions will help you to cultivate your professionalism and overcome these analytical biases.

• Judgments that show in your attitude

« These judgments hamper the quality of your exchanges with families during transmissions, as they unconsciously influence your speech. Even if you try to maintain a certain neutrality in what you say, it will be difficult to control your non-verbal communication. The intonation of your voice, the features of your face and the movements of your body can in fact translate your underlying judgments. »

Marina Pavalachi, psychologist at La Comptine crèche, Fontenay-aux-Roses.