Whether at the nanny’s, the crèche or the playground, there are many opportunities for babies to interact with each other. However, this communication remains clumsy. It’s only as they develop that their ability to communicate with their peers is refined and perfected.

 

The conquest of imitation

At one year old… Children already have a rich repertoire of behaviors (laughter, vocalizations, gestures). At this age, the key to exchanges lies in the presence of an object, whatever its color or shape. A real mediator, it will attract the attention of both children and enable them to share a common interest.

At two years old… Objects rapidly lose their importance. At this age, exchanges become more spontaneous and emotional, which is the first step towards authentic communication.

At the age of three… Children begin to prefer one-to-one exchanges to group ones, which is a further step towards mature communication. They now control the messages they send and decode those they receive. Pierre-Marie Baudonnière (former CNRS Research Director at the Unité Neurosciences Cognitives et Imagerie Cérébrale) and Jacqueline Nadel (CNRS Research Director at the Centre de l’Emotion, specializing in the development of communication and imitation in young children and children with autism), have studied the preponderance of imitation at this stage: it is by imitating that children come into contact with their peers. Thereafter, as language is mastered, imitation declines…

 

Is there a difference between boys and girls?

Young children’s first steps in communication are markedly different for girls than for boys. Observations show that, from the very first months, girls appear to be more sociable. At around one year of age, for example, while a smile, a gesture or a word is enough for little girls to enter into a relationship, little boys need a ball, a rope or any other object, which, it should be noted, is a more regressive form of communication. Another observation: the older boys get, the more aggressive they become, while conversely, the older girls get, the more they smile!

 

From affection to aggression…

Children, like adults, feel affection for some of their peers and aggression for others. While we adults express our feelings (more or less) eloquently, very young children do not.

Is a child attracted to one of his little friends? The child will undoubtedly offer him an object, move his hand towards him or give him a caress, a smile or a laugh. This positive attitude will undoubtedly lead to an equally positive reaction from the youngster, who will then agree to extend the exchange.

Reverse situation: a child is annoyed by a playmate? He’s likely to behave aggressively and impulsively towards the other child: suddenly waving his legs, arms, trunk, opening his mouth tightly, hitting, throwing objects, biting… This negative attitude allows him to vent his frustration and keep the other child at bay.

 

First steps in altruism

As human beings, children are naturally sensitive to the suffering of others, and in particular that of another child their own age. However, understanding this discomfort, and the means developed in response, will become more sophisticated with time… Let’s imagine for a moment a young child at nursery school, sitting among a crowd of other children in his age group. One of them suddenly starts sobbing, right next to him. What might the young spectator’s reaction be?

If he’s a year old, he too may start sobbing uncontrollably – what we call emotional « contagion ». He’s literally invaded by the other person’s discomfort!

If he’s two years old, he won’t cry, but his face will probably show a very upset expression. Then, he’ll call on his own mother in the hope that she’ll console the unhappy child.

If he’s three years old, his reaction will mark a further step towards « mature » altruism. This time, he won’t be calling on his own mother, but on the other child’s mother to console him. He then understands not only that the crying child’s internal state is different from his own, but that what is likely to console him is not necessarily the same for this child.

 

Like parents, like children?

Gerald R. Patterson and Lew Bank, researchers at the Oregon Social Learning Center, have underlined the significant influence of the family in the way children communicate with their peers. Indeed, it is by observing their parents interact with other adults or children that children learn, through imitation and identification, to enter into relationships with others, maintain contact and, above all, resolve conflicts. As early as 1987, Martha Putallaz (1), a professor of psychology and neuroscience at Duke University, was experimenting with the link that seems to exist between the type of relationships a child has with his peers, and the educational practices of his parents. The verdict? Children whose parents use automatic and radical punishments (such as taking away toys or locking them in the room) or corporal punishment are perceived by their teachers as more aggressive. In this area, as in many others, the first place of learning is the family.

(1) Putallaz, M. (1987). Maternal behavior and children’s sociometric status. Child Development, vol 58, p. 324-340.