Read this article published in the December 2012 issue of Infobébés magazine.

With the arrival of a child, you’re faced with the task of finding the name that will accompany your child throughout his or her life. It’s a major challenge, and one that can lead to lively discussions within your family, including your spouse!

It’s 4:32 a.m. and you’re exhausted, but relieved. The little being you’ve carried inside your body for nine long months has just made a triumphant arrival in our world, right in the heart of the delivery room. This moment, which you’ve imagined for so long, has come to fruition in a bath of emotions. And the name you and your father had duly chosen is finally associated… with a little body! This pretty name, which seems to suit him so well on this day, is the result of a long reflection. Which wasn’t always the case… In the past, the choice was simple: until the ^19th century, godparents assigned their own first names to their godchildren. And when parents couldn’t make up their minds, the Church suggested they name their cherub after the saint celebrated on the day of his or her birth. Since then, the reality has been quite different, and the choice of first name has become more complex. Today, the task of naming a child naturally falls to those who gave birth to him: you, his mom, and him, his dad. And for good reason: naming a child is like giving him life, a second time. It’s allowing him to exist as a being in his own right in an environment where, as you may have noticed, everything has a name. Whether it’s the neighbor’s little dog or the old stuffed toy gathering dust on your shelf. Each word or name that surrounds us is far from being just a neutral set of syllables. They all carry a meaning, an image, even an emotion of their own. Loaded with your own history and sensibility, you will naturally choose a name for your child whose sound and meaning inspire you, more or less consciously.

 

First names: the fruit of a personal and family heritage

In this sense, the first name you duly choose after countless questioning is highly revealing. It says a lot about the nature of your expectations of this little fellow. Because before being real, a child is imagined and fantasized by its mother. You want him to be like you, in your image, and at the same time better than you, in the image of those you admire. Like the content of a dream, the name you choose expresses your repressed desires. By choosing a first name, you attribute to it a whole set of character traits and qualities inherent in that name. Just imagine the pressure on his little shoulders before he’s even born! Nathalie named her daughter Edith, after her maternal grandmother, who was greatly appreciated by the family:  » Above all, I wanted my daughter to carry with her the memory of this courageous and brilliant woman who left her mark on the minds of her time. Our family always admired her, and I myself would have loved to have had even one of her qualities. For me, naming my daughter Edith was an obvious choice, » says Nathalie, mother of two-and-a-half-year-old Edith, via the Internet. At the same time, some of you feel the need to break away from tradition, to create a new story, and so choose a name that stands out from the crowd. This trend is all the more noticeable given our society’s current emphasis on the individual. We are often caught up in a desire to distinguish ourselves from the rest of the world, through the clothes we wear and the ideas we express. We likewise want to differentiate our cherub from his little neighbor.  » I didn’t want to baptize my daughter with a common name. I really wanted her name to be as unique as she was. So I had two options: create a name for her myself, or spell an existing name in an original way. In the end, I chose to name her Sorelina, with just one L, which means « little sister » in Italian. « confides Jeanne, mother of ten-month-old Sorelina (Val d’Oise). At the same time, your attraction to this or that name evolves as you interact with your little one, long before he or she is born. Snuggled up close to you for nine months, this little fellow lets you discover a little more of him every day…

 

Muscular exchanges within the couple!

Stop right there! If this child is legitimately the bearer of your own desires, so too is the father. Because he too has his own image of the ideal child, and projects onto this little being a part of his history, his sensitivity and his expectations. These are all elements that need to be respected. The difficulty will then be to harmonize your respective desires and shape, together, an image of this famous baby. And that’s no mean feat, since choosing a name is above all a matter of intimacy, and not of intellect. In other words, you’re more likely to agree on the city you’re planning to move to, rather than the name of your child. In this sense, it’s not uncommon for the latter to provoke some heated exchanges within your couple!  » My husband and I had great difficulty agreeing on a name for our youngest child, the only boy in the family. He absolutely wanted to name him Pierre, a name I found too common, and which reminded me of my great-grandfather. I had the impression that this was the only name he had in mind, to the point of rejecting all the names I suggested! « recalls Clotilde, a mother of three from Hauts-de-Seine.

 

When everyone gets involved

But that’s not all. Once you’ve succeeded in choosing the right name together, other obstacles may arise. Whether you like it or not, you’re not the only ones in charge! Chloé? Too short! » says your mother-in-law. Marguerite? « Too flowery! » criticizes your older brother. Mathilda? Too long! » says your best friend. Everyone is brutally voicing their opinion on the matter, and it’s enough to make your head spin! This social pressure, to which you’re naturally sensitive, is extremely unsettling. And with good reason. Naming your child means, above all, placing him or her in a human environment, and making him or her exist among others. And like all mothers, you want your child and his or her name – both of which symbolize a part of you – to be widely appreciated. In the legitimate apprehension of these judgments, some of you are therefore careful not to reveal the newly chosen name until the child is born.  » Choosing a name for my first daughter involved the whole family! As soon as I entrusted it to my sister, my mother called me back to give me her opinion three minutes later, then my grandmother, followed by my uncle and my aunt. I felt harassed. For my second daughter, my husband and I resisted the pressure and didn’t reveal her name until the day she was born! « confides Natacha, mother of Pauline and Emma, aged two and three (Loir et Cher). On the other hand, other moms feel the need to have their choice validated, to the point of organizing name contests during Sunday family dinners! But don’t worry, whatever name you choose, it’s unlikely to be unanimously approved. Yes, as we saw earlier, our attraction to a given name is based on our own history, so it can’t be the same for everyone. And that’s just as well! Because diversity is precious to us.

 

So you’ll agree, choosing the name that will accompany your child throughout his or her life is no easy task. And there’s no such thing as an ideal name. What’s more, at the heart of this choice lie issues that are as intimate and personal as they are familial and social. A word of advice: when your child is a little older, don’t hesitate to tell him about the twists and turns involved in choosing his first name. They’ll be the key to understanding and dealing with their own history. Your story.