Read this article published in Les Grands Dossiers de Sciences Humaines N°32 « L’amour, un besoin vital ».

From the very first seconds of life, babies are bound to form bonds with the people around them. Over and above its real emotional value, this attachment above all meets a vital need, ensuring its security and survival in our world.

Six-month-old Mathéo lies on the colorful playmat in the living room. His mom is leafing through a magazine beside him, occasionally saying a few kind words and stroking his feet. Mathéo plays with his pink elephant, glancing regularly at his mother. Suddenly, however, she gets up and leaves the room in a hurry, because there’s a knock at the door. Mathéo starts crying, then screaming. In the space of a few seconds, the little boy went from a state of serenity to one of alertness. His mother’s instant departure plunged the child into a situation of insecurity and distress, triggering the activation of his warning signals. This scene, which all parents have experienced, is the visible manifestation of the bond of attachment that links a toddler to those around him.

Ever since John Bowlby, the English psychiatrist and psychoanalyst who developed the theory of attachment, attachment theorists have argued that a young child’s psychological and physiological dependence means that he or she is dependent on adults for survival in our world. Naturally, this little social being is destined to become attached to them, whatever their responses to his or her solicitations. To achieve this, nature has endowed the baby with a range of behaviors to attract the adult’s attention and ensure proximity, right from birth. With no verbal language of their own, very young children express their discomfort, discomfort and even distress through crying and screaming. These aversive behaviors encourage adults to quickly move closer to the child to interrupt them. Similarly, the appearance of smiles and vocalizations enables the little human to create and prolong exchanges with his elders. It is through all these behaviors that a vital closeness is established between the child and its protectors: « it can crawl and follow its mother at all times like a little chick follows its mother hen: this is the famous period between ten months and two years of the « baby koala » or « baby postage stamp » explains Nicole Guédeney . ⁱ.

Some discomforts trigger chain reactions in a toddler’s head. For example, an alarming situation such as hunger, fatigue, cold or sudden separation from mother or father will trigger negative emotions. These frustrations will, in turn, activate the child’s attachment system, which consists of moving closer to the parent if he or she is old enough to move, or crying or screaming if he or she is not. From the age of 9 months, other anxiety-provoking situations emerge as the child’s psychological development progresses: moving away from parents or the nanny in the evening, the presence of a stranger, the darkness of the bedroom, or the arrival of an invasive dog in the living room.

To best illustrate the activation of a baby’s attachment system, John Bowlby likened it to the operation of a boiler. If the temperature drops below a certain level, the boiler switches on. On the other hand, if the temperature rises above the threshold, the boiler stops. In the case of the baby, it’s the proximity of the attachment figure that will « switch off » the system, such as the father who takes his child in his arms to reassure him, the mother who speaks reassuring words to her baby, or the crèche professional who makes a point of meeting the gaze of the worried child. Once the objective has been achieved, the attachment system is « deactivated ». The baby becomes calm and relaxed again, the caregiver ‘s proximity being associated with a feeling of security.

Mom, dad, nanny…

As you can see, the figure of the caregiver is essential in the creation of an attachment bond. For psychologists, this Anglo-Saxon term refers to all those involved in the child’s upbringing, whether biological or adoptive parents, nannies, nursery teachers or grandparents. In certain unfavorable contexts, where the child suffers from severe neglect on the part of the adults around him, he may become attached to an older brother or sister, or even to his pet cat, dog or hamster. On the other hand, a child cannot become attached to an inanimate object, as it is non-living by definition, and therefore not likely to meet his or her needs.

The first nine months of life are needed to form primary attachments. Several stages punctuate the construction of this bond (see box). From then on, according to Nicole Guedeney, each of them becomes unique, non-substitutable and irreplaceable. These may be primary, such as the mother, or subsidiary, such as the nanny; the primary being the person who looked after the baby most during the first months. It is to these key people that the child will spontaneously turn in distress. Contrary to appearances, the term « primary » or « subsidiary » does not mean that the child is more affectionate towards one caregiver or the other, but that the proximity of one will provide a greater sense of security than the other. In other words, a cuddle from his mom will comfort him more than a cuddle from his childminder, no matter how sweet she may be! Whatever it may be, the attachment figure represents a base of security, a haven of peace, essential if the budding adventurer is to allow himself to explore his environment in complete serenity. Nicole Guedeney compares this « safety base » to an aircraft carrier: « the baby or toddler is the plane; the safety base is the deck of the boat from which the planes launch for reconnaissance missions. The same deck must always be free for aircraft on missions, so that they can land as soon as they require to (whether in an emergency or not): the same deck is then called the safe haven ».

Not everyone is equal when it comes to attachment

Not all children form the same kind of bond with their resource adults. The quality of this bond is a direct result of the adults’ attitude towards them: while some caregivers are accustomed to responding to their requests appropriately, quickly and consistently, others react little to their cries and excessively encourage their independence, while still others respond inconsistently, ambivalently, sometimes neglectfully, even abusively.

American developmental psychologist Mary Ainsworth identified three attachment patterns in toddlers, using an experimental situation known as the « strange situation « *. In « secure » attachment, the optimal form of attachment, the child uses his protective figure as a secure base from which to explore his environment (a nod to the aircraft carrier mentioned above). The « avoidant » child, with a seemingly autonomous, elusive attitude, seeks little contact from his caregiver and behaves with strangers in much the same way as with his attachment figures. Finally, the « ambivalent/resistant » child has a strong need to cling to his caregiver, which hinders his exploration of his environment. They seem largely affected by separation from their caregiver, and show ambivalent reactions when they are reunited, clinging to them in anger. Marie Main, an American psychologist, distinguished a fourth attachment style, the « disorganized ». These are children who display contradictory and inconsistent behaviours towards their attachment figure, sometimes fleeing, sometimes drawing closer, such as advancing towards their parent with their back to them.

It should be added that modern educational principles often advocate ever-earlier autonomy for young children. Whether at home or in the professional world, in maternity wards or crèches, a baby’s cries are sometimes described as capricious (« he’s acting up! »). Some parents or professionals even hesitate to take a crying child into their arms, for fear that the child will become accustomed to it, or even dependent on it. Attachment theory combats these attitudes, which are described as preconceived and erroneous ideas. Every cry is a non-verbal expression of discomfort. No, a young child is not manipulative, a comedian, a rascal or a brat. And the authors are unanimous: it’s essential to respond to babies’ warning signals in the first few months of life. They’ll be all the more independent and serene when they blow out their first candle.

The variability of the attachment bond is easily observable in the crèche, a space in which several young children are brought together and can therefore be analyzed simultaneously. 2 p.m., baby section: Chloé is still trying to get onto the professional’s lap, and starts crying as soon as she gets up to attend to another child’s needs. As for Stéphane, he explores the room on all fours, up and down, without paying any attention to the adult’s presence. Margaux, on the other hand, regularly glances at the professional present, while serenely going about her business. The intensity of her need for physical closeness, and her ability to explore space independently, suggest the quality of the young child’s attachment.

What will become of these children, with their more or less « secure » attachments, when they grow up? Will there be any consistency or continuity between the quality of the ties that bound them to their parents in the past and those that will bind them to their close friends and lovers in the future, once they’re propelled into the adult world? It would seem so. But that’s another story… of love.

Keyword: Strange Situation

Experimental situation designed to assess the attachment quality of 12-month-old children, among the four identified attachment patterns (secure, avoidant, ambivalent/resistant, disorganized). The situation involves the child, his mother and an unknown person. The scene is made up of eight episodes, each lasting three minutes, confronting the child with separations from his mother, his attachment figure, and some contact with an unknown person. The child’s behavior is observed and analyzed, including signs of anxiety, alarm, sadness, pleasure, comfort-seeking and so on.

Building the attachment bond, step by step

From birth to three months: the baby seeks the proximity of human beings, without any real orientation towards a particular person. Some recent studies have shown that the baby nonetheless expresses discreet preferences for familiar people, with whom he or she has been in contact during pregnancy.

From three to six months: the child gradually seeks to get closer to his potential attachment figure. For example, he smiles and vocalizes more to his parent than to strangers who cross his path.

From six/nine months to three years: as their motor and psychological capacities develop, they become able to physically distance themselves from their attachment figure. This phase is marked by the establishment of the « security base » phenomenon, which the child calls upon during his many explorations. After the age of two, the child becomes increasingly sensitive to the adult’s objectives, even if this means abandoning his attachment behavior. Attachment theorists call this « emergent partnership ».

From the age of three/four: thanks to the development of their language and cognitive faculties, children are finally able to discuss and symbolically represent people who are physically absent. They can also understand the intentions and needs of those around them. From the age of four, they are able to abandon their parent, and readjust their expectations to suit both parties as far as possible. Bowlby calls this « goal-corrected partnership ».

Reference: « Comment se constitue le lien d’attachement? » chapter in « L’attachement, un lien vital » by Nicole Guedeney (Fabert, 2013).