Read this article published in Le Cercle Psy magazine .

While attachment theory continues to gain popularity in the field of psychology, a few preconceived ideas are still rife. Enough to send shivers down the spine of John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth, its founders.

1 – A baby attaches itself to its mother from birth

At the risk of disappointing many, the bond of attachment between a baby and the woman who gave birth to him is far from instantaneous. It develops very gradually over the course of the child’s first 9 months. This attachment is very different from the immediate « imprinting  » phenomenon described by Konrad Lorenz, the famous Austrian biologist and zoologist, in birds in the 1930s. While human infant attachment signals such as crying, screaming and vocalizing are present from birth, they are not directed at any particular person. Their primary purpose is to promote proximity to the adult, which is essential for the baby’s survival.

There are three main stages involved in making mom or dad the main attachment figure, as Nicole Guedeney, child psychiatrist and author of Attachment: a theoretical approach. From the baby to the elderly (Masson, 2009), described as unique and irreplaceable. First phase: in the first three months, the baby seeks the presence and proximity of the human beings around him, on whom he is 100% dependent, without really directing his signals towards any particular figure. However, some recent studies have highlighted a slight preference for people with whom the baby has been in contact during its intra-uterine life… Second phase: from 3 to 6 months, the child gradually orients itself towards its probable attachment figure, i.e. the person who cares for it the most. Third phase: from 6-9 months to three years, the child establishes his famous « security base ». It is to this « resource » person that the child will spontaneously turn when he or she feels the need.

2 – A baby loves his mommy more than his nanny

Many adults revolve around a baby: parents, nanny, neighbors, grandparents, aunties and uncles. During the first nine months of life, a baby will establish a hierarchy of attachment figures: some will become primary, others subsidiary. The person who has taken the greatest care of the child during this period will become the main attachment figure, most often the mother. From then on, the nanny will act as a subsidiary attachment figure. The term « primary » does not mean that the baby loves his mother more than his nanny. It only implies that the mother, as the primary attachment figure, will bring a greater sense of security to this child than the nanny, and that it is to her that this little one will preferentially turn in times of distress (hunger, fear…).

3 – An insecure parent is bound to have an insecure child

Although this transmission occurs in the majority of cases, it is far from systematic, since it concerns an average of 70% of mothers, and slightly fewer fathers. This means that for 30% of mothers, we observe a discontinuity: secure mothers can have insecure children.

This is the thorny issue of what attachment scientists call the intergenerational transmission of attachment, one of the most fertile areas of research in attachment theory. The principle is as follows: parents tend to act with their children in the same way as their own parents acted with them as children. In the sense that attachment is supposed to be a stable trait throughout life, the child’s insecure or secure character tends to engender a certain type of behavior in the child who becomes a parent, who in turn can transmit this same type of attachment to his or her child.

As early as 1985, Mary Main, an American psychologist, highlighted a positive and significant correlation between mothers’ attachment representations. A decade later, in the 1990s, Peter Fonagy, psychologist and psychoanalyst, Fellow of the British Psycho-Analytical Society and Director of the Department of Clinical Healt Psychology at the University of London, investigated the association between the attachment representations of the mother-to-be during the third trimester of pregnancy and those of her one-year-old toddler. Verdict: the correlation was positive in 75% of cases. On the other hand, a meta-analysis by Van Ijzendoorn, carried out in 1995, underlined that the transmission on dads’ side was only around 37%.

4 – Loving your child inordinately is enough to make him secure

Of course, loving your child with all your heart and soul isn’t enough to develop a secure attachment.

A child’s attachment style is essentially based on the parent’s emotional availability, sensitivity and «  reflexive awareness », i.e. their ability to interpret their child’s internal states, emotions and thoughts, and respond to them in a rapid, stable and adjusted manner. A mother may love her baby dearly, but not know how to respond to his attachment needs.

5 – An insecure person becomes ill or unhappy

An estimated 40% of children have insecure attachments. But that doesn’t mean they’re mentally ill! It’s not a question of « pathological » attachment or attachment disorder. While insecurity is not a risk factor as such, it does tend to limit an individual’s optimal emotional, cognitive and social development.

To go one step further (and put an end to preconceived ideas once and for all!) …

Vivien Prior and Danya Glaser, Understanding attachment and attachment disorders. Theory, evidence and practice . De Boeck, 2010. Nicole Guédeney, L’Attachement, un lien vital. Fabert, 2013.