Read this article published on the Cercle Psy website.

Luc Chatel, French Minister of Education, has made the fight against harassment at school one of his priorities for the 2011-2012 school year. On January 24, he went so far as to launch a hotline. Harassment between children, a new and complex form of violence that still doesn’t legally exist, has now been recognized.

How do psychologists define harassment?

The definition, which dates back to the 1970s, is based on the simultaneous emergence of three criteria: 1) the conduct must be intentionally aggressive; 2) it must be regularly repeated; 3) it must induce a dominant-dominated relationship between the two protagonists. The very word « harassment » is ill-chosen, as it does not semantically capture the full complexity of this type of relationship. It comes from the word « herser », which means « to torment », like the harrow that torments the earth.

How does harassment between two children start?

It all starts with the non-acceptance of a difference, which encourages the dissatisfied child to bully the child with that difference. So far, nothing unusual. We’ve all been the target of verbal aggression. But whether or not a bullying dynamic is triggered depends essentially on the spontaneous reaction of the child who has been attacked. Let’s take an example: « Has your mother ever told you that your hair is too ugly? If the child responds in a detached way: « I don’t think my mother would say things like that », the dynamic is defused. On the other hand, if the child reacts in a defensive, virulent way: « And what about you… have you seen what you’re wearing? This is simply because the aggressiveness and liveliness of his reaction show his aggressor that he has been hit. The impact of bullying gives the aggressor a feeling of omnipotence, which encourages him to repeat the experience. If adults were to intervene during this initial movement, the dynamic would be immediately defused.

Are some children more likely to be harassed than others?

In the course of my consultations, I’ve come to realize that not just any child is a victim of bullying. On the one hand, there are intellectually precocious children, whose different intellectual and emotional functioning prevents them from deciphering the implicit intentions of others. Or a child who is psychologically vulnerable as a result of personal and family worries, and who will lose his temper at the slightest bullying. Or a very immature child who may respond in an infantile way to aggression from the other child, who will then think: « What kind of baby is that?

And who are the stalkers?

They are generally narcissistically fragile, and constantly questioning their own values. Putting others down allows them to elevate and narcissize themselves. The aim is to make the victim feel powerless and ashamed, to the point of disappearing from the stalker’s sight – by moving to another school, for example. This type of child can be found in families whose survival reactions are somewhat violent: « The best way to defend yourself is to attack », for example. These children share a certain vulnerability with their victim, but only the way they express it varies.

Do manifestations of harassment change as children develop?

That’s right. The body, which predominates in the youngest children, gradually gives way to language. Around CP-CE (6-8 years), we mostly see hitting, hair-pulling and immediate, physical settling of scores. From CM onwards (9-10 years), the settling of scores becomes more refined and organized, with thefts of kits and clothes, as well as verbal bullying and rumors. Then, as they master the computer, cyber-harassment begins. Generally speaking, boys, who are more physical, prefer blows, while girls, who are better at using language, prefer rumors.

What is the minimum age for harassment?

Around age 6 or 7, when children start primary school. When children enter the world of peers and gradually distance themselves from their parents. They are then able to perceive other children as different from themselves.

Around what age do we see more harassment?

In elementary school, adults are more present, allowing the group of children to be more regulated and less left to their own devices. The presence of adults compensates for the immaturity of children at this age. In high school, adults no longer regulate the dynamics of their student groups, and focus solely on their own learning. However, as these young people are more mature and empathetic, there will always be a pupil to come to the victim’s defense: « But stop talking to him like that, it’s not done! » Middle school remains the most critical period: children, still quite immature, are experimenting with a new freedom.

Is dyadic harassment (one harasser, one harassed) clearly different from collective harassment?

Completely. These two forms of harassment are based on very different dynamics. Very often, the group is led by a narcissistic pervert. Group stalking is then more unhealthy, evoking the phenomenon of the pack: the victim is isolated and « consumed » by the entire pack.

What role do peer bystanders play in harassment situations?

Child spectators play a key role in validating and cultivating the phenomenon. Their opposition would help defuse the dynamic. But children often don’t object, for a variety of reasons: « We’re not going to get involved, otherwise we’ll get beaten up for nothing », or « I don’t want to look like a snitch ». The absence of opposition from the group thus accelerates the victimization process and the victim’s loss of self-esteem: « If no one says anything, it’s probably because they’re right and there really is something wrong with me ». At the same time, it confirms the stalker in his actions: « I can only be right since no one says anything… And I even make some people laugh! » Ideally, we’d like to get the audience involved.

What psychological impact does harassment have on the victim?

The repercussions can be observed in the short, medium and long term. In the short term, the victim suffers a loss of self-esteem to the point of adopting a low position in relation to the group. This in turn fosters a feeling of exclusion, leading to further harassment. In this sense, it’s not uncommon for a child harassed in one school to be harassed in a second, and then a third. This also encourages children to drop out of school, hoping to escape their aggressor. In the medium term, anxiety and even depression can emerge. Their « holey » schooling also impairs the quality of their learning, to the point of making them repeat a year. Then, gripped by a desire to escape the school system, these children may end up taking the wrong vocational or sandwich courses by default. In the long term, these young adults will always feel uneasy about the group. My clinical experience leads me to draw a link between harassment at school and harassment in the workplace.

Teachers don’t seem to listen very well. Is this a reality?

Unfortunately, teachers are not very receptive. The first reason is ideological. They feel that their pupils’ lives outside the classroom, which are more a matter of education and not their field of competence, do not concern them. Also, they don’t want to untangle « little » stories, i.e. « who started it? » and « who did what? » Finally, the teachers feel that their intervention is unwise and can only aggravate the situation.

How do you deal with bullying in schools?

The alliance between parents and teachers is key. Parents and teachers need to listen to and trust each other. I can’t stress this enough! Generally speaking, any case of harassment needs to be dealt with in two stages: individually and collectively. The first step is to organize a mediatized meeting between the parents of the harassing child, the harassed child, the parents of the harassed child, the harassed child and a mediator, such as the school principal. It is highly inadvisable for the victim’s parents to talk directly to the aggressor’s parents, as otherwise the latter may harass them in return! The second step is to mobilize the educational community and initiate a collective reflection on the harassment situation: « What did we do or not do? », « How could our intervention be more mobilizing? ». Role-playing games could also be organized between children, with the aim of eliciting their empathy and social skills.

Is it wise to file a complaint?

No. Like Eric Debardieux (a researcher internationally renowned for his work on school violence, editor’s note), I believe that schools should not be judicialized. This risks absolving the educational team, which will be even less interventionist. But adults and teachers need to get involved! Harassment is a pedagogical and psychological issue. These are sensitive and complex areas of expertise, far removed from justice and the notion of crime.